JANUARY 13, 1995

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 21

BOOKS

Photo book of Stonewall 25 is a wonderful view

Unity:

A Celebration of Gay Games IV and Stonewall

reviewed by David Horneck

Wow all I can say is "wow"! I just finished reading Unity: A Celebration of Gay Games IV and Stonewall and cannot help but feel like I missed out on a truly spectacular event. For $29.95 this book brings you directly to the Games via over 300 color photographs compiled by 35 photographers. It is just plain wonderful. The pictures make you laugh, cry and leave you in total amazement of what was accomplished in those nine days back in June.

The athletes, the fans, the celebrities, the volunteers, people kissing, people hugging, people winning, it's all here. I was completely awestruck at the aerial pictures of the mile-long rainbow flag being carried through New York City. Seeing a same-sex couple ice-skating together in the pairs competition is just so right!

Unity also lists all of the medal winners from all sporting events, so it is a lot of fun to go through and see who won from Ohio. (Mike Cochrane,

co-owner of Visions in Cleveland, won a gold medal in light heavyweight physique-go figure-and two Cleveland women's slowpitch softball teams brought home a silver and a bronze, just to name a few).

UNITY

A Car 31 hay Games it and Senewal

Even though I am a bit saddened that I did not experience such euphoria in person, I am very happy that I was able to live the event through the pages of this book. Even if you're not an athletics enthusiast, you'll enjoy the book. It is part of gay and lesbian history.

Coming out to Momfrom her viewpoint

The Family Heart:

A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out

by Robb Forman Dew Addison-Wesley, 1994; $22.00

ISBN: 0-201-62450-8

reviewed by Timothy Robson

Pur gay bookshelf is full of many "coming out" books: novels, autobiographies, short stories. Most of them are from the perspective of the gay or lesbian person finding his or her real self. Novelist Robb Forman Dew's The Family Heart is from the view of a parent whose child comes out matter-of-factly and unexpectedly.

Dew, like millions of other heterosexuals, thought herself to be open-minded sexually-until her own older son Steven announced his homosexuality. Up to that point in her very upper-middle-class white life, all had been planned for her sons: private prep school, Ivy League college, marriage to women from the proper upbringing, and eventually, grandchildren. With a successful writing career and a husband in a secure academic position, Dew and her family were the picture of smugness and perfection.

Steven's little announcement changed all that, at least in the mind of a mother for whom it appears that superficial appearances are everything. In this book Dew explores the

grieving process through which she and her husband came to terms with Steven's gayness. Indeed, the emotions she reveals are classic signs of grief and loss: anger, denial, guilt, fear, and finally acceptance.

Dew writes in clear and lucid, if a bit precious, prose. Through much of the book one has to repress the strong desire to whisper into her ear, "Dear, he's not a mass murderer; get a grip or see a therapist." In fact, in one of the most intriguing episodes in the book, Dew relates her temporary estrangement from her younger straight son, who begins to feel as if he is no longer worthy of his parents love, because they have become so obsessed in dealing with Steven's gayness.

Irritating though she is through most of this saga, Dew eventually gets it right. Late in the book and many months after Steven's coming out, Dew and her husband join P-FLAG, that wonderful support organization for parents and friends of lesbians and gay men. She subsequently becomes an ardent and vocal supporter of gay and lesbian rights.

Gay men and lesbians will find little in The Family Heart to supplement their own experience. It may be helpful for parents who are in the process of dealing with their own child's homosexuality. It is too bad that Dew and son Steven could not have written the book collaboratively, so that we might have had Steven's perspective of this story.

A practical coming-out book for parents

Coming Out to Parents

A Two-Way Survival Guide for Lesbians, Gay Men and Their Parents by Mary V. Borhek

Pilgrim Press, 1983 $14.95, paper ISBN: 0-8298-0665-2

reviewed by Timothy Robson Robb Forman Dew's The Family Heart is one woman's exploration of her son's coming out. It's too bad her son didn't give her a copy of Mary Borhek's 1983 book Coming Out to Parents. This highly recommended book is still in print in a moderately-priced paper edition. It is addressed to both gay men and lesbians who are considering coming out to their parents and to parents who are going through the experience. She examines the

fears and misgivings on the part of the gays and lesbians, as well as the disappointment, guilt and confusion that parents feel.

Borhek speaks from her own experience, which was documented in her previous book My Son Eric (Pilgrim Press, 1979), as well as case studies of others who have gone through the process. The publisher, Pilgrim Press, is owned by the Cleveland-based United Church of Christ, so it is not surprising to find a substantial chapter dealing with religious attitudes toward homosexuality.

Although Borhek concedes a variety of points of view, she reflects the liberal stance of the U.C.C., rather than the literalmindedness of most conservative evangelical religious traditions. Coming Out to Parents is a practical book which will be of use many to both parents and lesbians and gays.

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